“It’s YOUR turn”
Glaring with envy at my husband laying in bed with our five year-old, I can hardly get the words out without sobbing of frustration, guilt, and a broken heart. Really though, it’s his turn. I just spent an hour nursing the baby, who by the way is a 8-month old monster about to pop teeth, and then another thirty minutes swinging, dancing, and patting said 8-month old. How had it come to this? When he was a baby, I’d nurse on each side twice, lay him down, and he’d pass out. Around the time he started sleeping all night (two months) was the same time that he wanted to be snuggled to fall asleep. I was perfectly okay with that. I’d nurse both sides twice, throw him on my shoulder, and firmly pat his but until he’d nod off. Then someone started the bounce-swing-pat and Brayden has never returned from that black hole.
Just after I’ve showered, gotten ready for bed, and I’m finally laying down, my bliss is inevitably interrupted;
“Are you sure he’s not still hungry?” daddy dearest has to ask the one thing that’ll throw me over the ledge. Because getting sucked raw is totally the top of my to-do-twice-in-one-night wish-list. Why not, huh?
Flash-forward another hour and I’m finally cleaning up the kitchen from dinner and the prospect of bed looks like its really nearing. Until… Yep, I spoke to soon. Thank everything or everyone that is holy or has ever even used the word holy, Ryan jumped up quick enough that he’s on put-back-to-bed duty.
Nearly three hours later Brayden is finally asleep for the night. He’s asleep so Ryan and I get to meet up with our pillows. Hit our pillows and sleep for a total of five hours before the alarm clock blares at us to start the day all over again.
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This was happening every night, and nights were awful. I actually started to resent Brayden at night. I desperately wanted to read a bedtime story to Kien and snuggle him in his bed until he fell asleep. I wanted to doze off in Kien’s room like I used to. And I wanted to go to bed before 11:00 at night. It was all these things that made me finally ready to let Brayden “cry-it-out”. You can read my Ferber vs. Brayden entries and see that I have been against any form of letting my baby cry. I couldn’t even handle the five minute intervals in the Ferber Method. But this time, I was desperate. I hit limits in myself that I hadn’t known existed.
The outcome: After SEVEN nights of Pandora on BLAST in my headphones we’re still going strong.
Night 1: 55 minutes of straight screaming. This was so hard for me. I couldn’t hear him during songs on my iPod, but between each song my heart broke more and more.
Night 2: more Pandora echoing off my eardrums; this time for only 45 minutes
Night 3: under half an hour!
Night 4: 40 minutes :(
Night 5: 30 minutes
Night 6: 5 minutes!!! 5 minutes!!!!!!!!
Night 7: 20 minutes but I also put him in bed a little sooner than normal. He was wide awake (but tired) when I put him down tonight. The other nights I let him drift off in my arms and THEN put him down and he woke up.
Now I’m totally ready for bed by 8:00. I’ve had “me time” listening to music and working on Created by Lyn or making myself a new pair of earrings. I’m a happier person, a happier wife, and a happier mommy. I just have to get past the 20 minutes of heartbreak, but it’s so much better than resenting my baby for two hours every night.
I don’t in any way think that this approach is for everyone. I will not dare to begin preaching that this is what all families should do. I was so completely against even the thought of it! It’s all up to the baby and what his/her parents feel. Brayden never had tears when he cried for us at night, so I know that he wasn’t hurt or anything, he just wanted snuggles. He gets so much affection during the day that I’m not worried anymore about him feeling neglected or deserted. We needed to do this for our sanity. After all, what good are we are parents if we are completely loony, exhausted, and pissed off?
Seeing results, getting work done and going to sleep at a decent time,
Lyn
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